5 Vital Lessons I Learned In My Marriage - (Part 1)

Greetings friends. Happy Weekend to you and Happy Easter. Hope you’ve been enjoying the season and celebrating with your loved ones. I pray the season will bring more joy and happiness into your family and whatever good thing you desire this season, the Lord will grant you.

I’ve got few things to share with you today. It’s about marriage. Recently, I’ve been thinking I should share more of my life experiences and let people benefit from the lessons and understandings I’ve had over the years. 

I know marriage is not a general topic, but it affects many areas of life. I mean, there is no area of life that doesn’t have a feel of marriage. Even the first family on earth came because of marriage, the union between Adam and Eve. So, marriage is as ancient as when God created man.

In my own marriage, I’ve had couple of experiences that I would love to share. I have five of them. I would share two of them with you today, and we’ll continue the rest later. 

First, is Emotional Control. When I just got married, I had emotions I needed to deal with. I was someone who believed things should be done certain ways and if they are not done in such ways, I’m not pleased. So, when my husband and I came together, he was doing some things that I didn’t like. 

Most times, I would keep to myself and decided not to talk about it. But he was someone who couldn’t keep malice for just a moment. He would always want to discuss everything. And that time, we had to do many things together as a family, including our daily devotion and house chores. 

So, there was no where I could hide myself. But then I wasn’t ready for any talk. So, one thing I did at that time —I always justify my action. I pride myself in keeping malice and expecting everyone to satisfy my expectations. 

This continued until I realized that the path I was treading was not good. My husband was already getting tired and in every way he had tried to pacify me, I’d rejected. 

I eventually learned my lesson one day when he was talking and I got angry and walked out on him. We were outside and we supposed to go home together but I decided to let him go alone. I wanted to satisfy my anger and please my proud self. 

My husband (of blessed memory) was a very humble person, who was always patient and respectful to people. Before this time, I easily go scot-free when I got angry and he would come back begging me. But on this particular day, I had pushed him to the wall and my cup was already running over. 

He felt he couldn’t continue like this. He told me if I’m not pleased with him, I could as well do what I like. That word touched my heart and I thought several times about it. He was doing his best to please me but I wasn’t seeing much in what he was doing. 

I became sober and remorseful and for the first time in my marriage, I had a change of heart. I dropped all my unrealistic standards and expectations for people. And I became more free to understand and accommodate people. 

Ever since that incident, I had learned my lesson. I knew how to control my dissatisfaction and displeasure about anything, and not to be resentful against people. 

Second, is Communication. I don’t know what else is important in marriage if not communication. Communication is everything when it comes to marriage. Nothing can be resolved or handled without communication. It is extremely crucial for husband and wife to allow good communication in their marriage.

But just as we all know, communication is not only in words, it is also in action. Because they say action speaks louder than voice. So, it’s not just about your words, but your action. To put it in another way, it is not about what you say, but how you say it. You can tell your spouse that you are sorry, but your attitude or expression is not showing it. That may aggravate them more.

So, most times, nonverbal communication affects more than verbal communication. 

In marriage, it is very important we take note of our nonverbal communication because it tells a lot about our attitude and disposition to our spouse.

I have seen couple of times when my husband and I didn’t need to do any extra to solve a major problem in our marriage than communication. We always communicate. We communicate everything. Nothing was too big or too small for us to talk about, even with our children. 

Sometimes, when I was not comfortable discussing some things with my husband, he would be patient, wait for another time and found a better way to discuss it. He always found better ways to communicate, even what someone is not pleased with. And I saw that it worked in our marriage. 

It is when you discuss something that you would create room for it to be resolved. If you don’t discuss it, it might keep piling up in your heart and could become a problem later in future. I have seen families that because of lack of communication, the wife had believed wrong things from the people outside about her husband and it eventually affected their marriage.

Don’t make anything too big to discuss with your spouse. Discuss everything. If they are not okay with it, you will know and know how to handle it or better still present it in a way that they would love it. 

Also, lack of communication about our sexual needs and desires could also make some spouse vulnerable to extramarital affairs. If your spouse is not pleasing you sexually, tell him/her in a lovely way and find a solution together. Don’t die in silence, hoping things would get better. Things would not get better until you make it better. And that would be by having good communication with your spouse.

Hopefully, I would discuss more about this sometimes in the future.

In addition, communication is the bedrock of every happy marriage and marriage as it were cannot last if there is no good communication. So, please, my dear husbands and wives, communicate with yourselves. Don’t neglect one another. Communicate! 

Give your spouse attention and affection. Love one another and let your hearts be connected and pleased in one another. I see your family going from grace to grace and the peace and joy of the Lord would continue to reign in your marriage.

We would continue other lessons next week.

Have a happy Easter celebration and the Lord continue to bless you!